I have always wanted two things in life: to be a successful film producer, and to be a mum, a good one. It never occurred to me how unsuited the film industry is to having these two goals all at once. With the long and irregular hours, it is virtually impossible to foster an environment in which you can be a good mother and flourish in your career as a filmmaker. I guess the same could be said about fatherhood, or about single dads, and other industries too, but I cannot speak to that.
I used to think that I could easily do both. After all, isn’t that what babysitters and childcare is for? I am a producer, and multi-tasking and project management are my strengths. Having a child would just be another project to incorporate, right? Oh boy, how wrong I was!
When my little one arrived, I started reading about the mother-child relationship and how vital the mother’s presence and attention is to a child’s happiness, security, and development, and how important those things are in raising confident, secure and healthy children. I then realised that there is no way that I will be able to be the best mum I could be for my baby girl while also working as a filmmaker.
I can either be the best mum I can be, or I can be an average mum with a career. But to be honest, I personally cannot imagine putting my career over the little person I created. I didn’t just want to be a mother so I have an extra mouth to feed while someone else raises my child and spends their time with her. I wanted to be a mother so I could live the full experience and be there for this little person. Besides, kids are young only for so long and missing out on those years would just be heartbreaking to me. But I still need to work too, and let’s face it, female filmmakers always had to, and still have to, work much harder than their male counterparts to achieve the same.
This situation really saddened me for so many reasons. Firstly, I empathised with all the other female filmmakers before me; those who had to choose not to have kids, and those who couldn’t be the mothers they wanted to be at the expense of their kids, just to build a career or put food on the table.
The second reason it saddened me was because I knew I had to make a choice and either let go of my career, or compromise on what is best for my child. Being a filmmaker, I have worked extremely hard to try and make a success of my career and I had finally reached a point where I felt I was making significant progress when I became pregnant.
As these realisations set in, so did the panic. What if I take some time off to focus on my child? Will all the work I did to build my career be for nothing? What if I am forgotten about and have to start all over again? What if I fall out of touch with current trends and industry practices? Imagine the connections I will lose! Was all the work I did for the last 20 years for nothing, because let’s face it, our industry is all about staying in the know, staying connected and networking?
One day I saw a wonderful film by filmmaker Jane Castle called When the Camera Stopped Rolling. The film is about Jane’s mother who was one of the only female filmmakers in Australia back in the day. She had to work two, three times harder than her male colleagues and at times even omit the fact that she was female to get a job. The effect that it had on Jane was described in the film, and without giving anything away, her mother’s filmmaking career really affected how Jane and her sister grew up. The film really touched me and I could only put myself in Jane’s mother’s shoes. I wondered if she had the same thoughts as I have now. And if she did and she chose to make a go at her career regardless, I can only imagine the conflict and guilt she must have felt.
The way the business world in general is set up is not conducive to motherhood. The system was created a long time ago by men whose wives stayed at home and raised the children. In today’s world where women want more than that, it’s not fair to have to choose between your career/dream job/contributing to the family income and being a mother and having a family (and populating the earth).
Of course, some mothers might prefer to fit into the current system and leave their little ones in the care of someone else, and that is totally fine too, but what about those who don’t want to? Isn’t it time for the system to adjust in a way that will allow mothers to still be able to build a career and have a good job? Why not?
After much thought and emotional commitment to this problem I decided that I am going to try my level best at being the best for my little girl that I can be, and still keep my career on track. I might not be able to be the workaholic that I used to be, but I can certainly still try to maintain some of what I have worked so hard for. And I will not be guilt tripped or manipulated into anything else. Not by the system and not by anyone in it.
I saw another female filmmaker, Ruby Challenger, on social media with her newborn and older daughter at Cannes Film Festival where her film was selected, and then I saw her siting in the cinema breastfeeding her baby. And I was inspired! She didn’t let motherhood stand in the way of her career nor did she let her career stand in the way of motherhood! It made me realise that perhaps it is possible to juggle both balls, hard as it might be, but it didn’t seem impossible anymore.
To implement my plan, I’ve undergone significant lifestyle changes. While I can maintain the same level of work quality, I now manage fewer projects simultaneously. I’ve trimmed unnecessary commitments, focusing on being present with my daughter during her awake hours and working during her naps and after her bedtime. Of course, I do still take meetings during the day, but I limit them, and I make sure they are spaced out enough. I’ve also learned to avoid overcommitting and to set realistic boundaries, declining certain meetings, using emails more than phone calls and I even take my littly with me to meetings if I have to. I will keep adapting the way I do things as she gets older and her needs change.
The good news is that I have been able to mostly be the mother to my daughter that I want to be, and I have also been able to continue my career. Yes, at a slower pace, but at least I didn’t need to leave it behind completely. All it took was for me to set the boundaries and for me to align myself with, and work with people and companies that respect and understand this. I took on a contract office job for four months where I managed to negotiate working from home and working in the hours that suit me, which was 8pm to 2am – baby’s sleep time. The job was completed successfully, and all the work got done and with praise.
If it wasn’t for the company’s understanding and respect for my role as mother, it never could have worked. And if I never asked, I never would have known that I could still have the job and have it in a way that works for me. And no, the person who employed me was not female.
I was also midway through early pre-production of a film I am producer on, Carmen & Bolude, when I fell pregnant. Lucky it is a female-led project and I was able to comfortably express my need for proper time off to spend with my newborn and that my work methods will be very different moving forward. My team, especially the creator of the project and co-producer, Michela Carattini, have been great in understanding my new way of working. In fact, many people on our team are mothers and fathers of young children and we have made some major adjustments in how our set is run. We have even implemented job sharing for some of the roles and we will be shooting 4-day weeks so that there is a better work-life balance.
Meanwhile, during the release of my previous film Streets of Colour in cinemas, I’ve been truly touched by the warm and understanding support I’ve received from director Ronnie S. Riskalla and the team regarding my flexible schedule. Now, we primarily use WhatsApp for communication, except for emergencies. This way, I can check and respond during the day when I have short breaks, while handling the rest of the work during nighttime.
I don’t know how my career will be affected moving forward, and I don’t know how many people, companies and projects will be accommodating to my requirements, but I know that there are enough opportunities to at least maintain a large portion of my career.
I might need to juggle fewer projects, and I won’t always be readily available, but prioritising being the best mum for my daughter is a worthwhile compromise. Perhaps over time, the system can evolve to support parents and caregivers, giving the outdated approach a much-needed update. It’s like a wise person once said: Porque no los dos?
I know that as a producer I want to create an environment for my teams in which they can balance work with what is important to them. Working differently doesn’t mean working any less good or any less hard. A happy workplace is a constructive and successful workplace!